A Tearful Goodbye

I arrived in Jakarta today, a little disoriented but enjoying the cultural differences none the less. Motorcycles and scooters are everywhere. While riding in the van, it felt at times like we were surrounded with swarms of buzzing bees. I was picked up from the airport without hassle. The other "taksi" drivers didn't even have time to swoop in to try to bring me to my destination, well except for one. Ironically I had just made eye contact and a nod to my driver who was holding a sign for me. The other random driver stepped out in front of my driver with full force, "Maam, need a ride?" Armed with "tidak, tidak usah" I told him "not necessary". This was met with a sense of confusion. I know he didn't expect me to reply with an Indonesian phrase. I just smiled and gestured to the man behind him. He said, "oh, I see!" and proceeded to jump out in front of other Westerners leaving Jakarta's intl. airport.

What feels like just a few sleepy hours ago, I was saying good bye to Jacques at the airport. I'd been so busy finalizing things, going to DC for my pre departure orientation that I hadn't had time to fully understand what I was about to go do. On top of the stress of getting everything packed in bags weighing less than 50 Lbs (impossible), we'd just come from our dear friends', Wendy and Kishore, spectacular Indian wedding… wow add that in the mix of saying good bye to your loved one. By the title, of this post, you can imagine it was emotional for both of us. We kept waving at each other until he couldn't see me any longer past the security check point high tech machinery. We're looking forward to him coming to visit for about a month in late December. Also we're all set up to communicate in this great technological age of web cams and Skype. And of course it was tearful to say good bye to the cat. He knew something was up but he didn't quite understand why I wanted to smother him with hugs and tears so much as I was leaving the apartment to go to the airport.

The reality of what I'm embarking on comes in waves. There are times when I think of how exciting this will be. While in DC I was not only inspired by meeting the teachers coming here to Indonesia but I also with some other great people who are going to teach in other countries. I spent a lot of time just feeling motivated and excited while talking to people during our breaks. But under the surface and sometimes very faint there are always these little pulses of a more primal emotion that resembles a mixture of fear and confusion. This emotion emerges when I'm at my most vulnerable: half sleeping in an uncomfortable contorted position on the plane, waiting for my million Lb. bags to come around the carousel, or the cat nap at the hotel where all of a sudden perspective makes a drastic shift and 10 months seems like a lifetime. I predict all these things will fade as I get involved in my project…. Now I'm off to go eat gado gado while the camera battery charges.